🚨 SAAS SURVIVORSHIP PROGRAM — LIMITED SEATS
🤖

Escape SaaS Hell. Frolic in the Fields
of AI Slop Custom Software.

You're paying for 47 subscriptions. You use 6. Your employees have forgotten the other 41 exist. We consolidate your bloated SaaS stack into one glorious, AI-hallucinated monolith of questionable code. It probably works.

🔥 Escape Hell Now Wait, what?
🤖 STOP PAYING FOR TOOLS YOUR TEAM IGNORES  ·  🔥 YOUR SAAS SPEND IS SOMEONE ELSE'S YACHT  ·  💸 37 LOGINS. ZERO ACCOUNTABILITY.  ·  🤖 AI SLOP > ENTERPRISE BLOAT  ·  🚀 CUSTOM SOFTWARE BUILT WHILE YOU WATCH  ·  😈 WE WILL CANCEL YOUR ZENDESK CONTRACT FOR YOU  ·  🤖 STOP PAYING FOR TOOLS YOUR TEAM IGNORES  ·  🔥 YOUR SAAS SPEND IS SOMEONE ELSE'S YACHT  ·  💸 37 LOGINS. ZERO ACCOUNTABILITY.  ·  🤖 AI SLOP > ENTERPRISE BLOAT  ·  🚀 CUSTOM SOFTWARE BUILT WHILE YOU WATCH  ·  😈 WE WILL CANCEL YOUR ZENDESK CONTRACT FOR YOU  · 
The Diagnosis

You have SaaS Poisoning. It's serious.

The average mid-sized company runs 130+ SaaS tools. The average employee uses 12. The gap is called "money." Your CFO calls it "concerning." We call it "Tuesday."

💬

The Comms Catastrophe

You have Slack, Teams, Google Chat, Zoom, and Loom all for "communication." Your team communicates via email anyway. Classic.

~$34,000/yr in redundant chatter
📊

The Analytics Abyss

Tableau, Looker, Mixpanel, Amplitude, and a Notion dashboard your intern built in 2022. Nobody looks at any of them.

~$48,000/yr of unread charts
🗂️

The Project Mgmt Purgatory

Asana AND Monday AND Jira AND ClickUp. You'll pick one "soon." You've been saying this since 2019.

~$29,000/yr in indecision
🤝

The CRM Crisis

Salesforce costs more than your first employee's salary. HubSpot was the "affordable" option. Your sales team still uses a spreadsheet.

~$72,000/yr for a fancy spreadsheet
🤯

The SSO You Don't Have

Each tool has a different login. Three are under your ex-CTO's email. He doesn't work here anymore. His email still works somehow.

∞ risk, immeasurable chaos
🔄

The Integrations Hellmouth

You pay for Zapier to make your SaaS tools talk to each other. You need a SaaS tool to manage your Zapier. It's Zaps all the way down.

~$18,000/yr to duct tape everything
The Treatment Plan

How We Drag You
Out of the Flames

It's not magic. It's AI. Which is basically magic but with more hallucinations and fewer lawsuits (we think).

01

🔍 The Audit of Shame

We catalog every single SaaS tool your organization is paying for, including the one your VP of Sales signed up for at a conference in 2021 and never mentioned to IT. Yes, we'll find it. No, it's not pretty.

INCLUDED. YES, ALL OF IT.
02

🤖 The AI Slop Assessment

Our robotic overlords analyze your workflows, identify what you actually need, and generate a spec for custom software that does 80% of what your current stack does, for 20% of the cost. The 20% we skip is the stuff nobody uses anyway.

POWERED BY VIBES & VECTORS
03

🏗️ Build the Beautiful Monstrosity

We build your unified platform using cutting-edge AI code generation, human review, and the kind of duct-tape architecture that either holds forever or collapses spectacularly. Either way it's memorable. SLAs available for purchase.

MOSTLY UNIT TESTED
04

✂️ The Great Cancellation

We help you cancel every subscription you no longer need. We will sit on hold with SaaS providers' cancellation departments on your behalf. It's the most heroic thing we do. Seriously, it takes hours.

OUR BRAVEST SERVICE
05

🌾 Frolic in the Fields

One login. One bill. One platform that does exactly what your business needs. You'll have so much money left over you'll start worrying about something new. May we suggest an AI strategy? We know a company.

ACTUAL BLISS
The Numbers (we made up)

The Math
Is Not Subtle

73% average reduction in SaaS spend for customers who don't back out during onboarding
$180K average first-year savings, which is coincidentally a really nice salary you could use on someone useful
41 average number of tools eliminated per customer. Forty. One. You were paying for all of them.
"We were paying $340,000 a year in SaaS subscriptions. After saasr.ai we pay $60,000 for one platform that does more. We used the savings to hire three engineers. One of them is building features we couldn't have dreamed of. The other two are fighting about tabs vs. spaces. Still a win." — Anonymous Head of Engineering, Series B Startup (they asked us not to name them because they're embarrassed it got this bad)
Honest Answers (mostly)

Things People Ask
Before Running Away

Is "AI Slop" really how you describe your own product? +
Yes. We believe in radical transparency. Our AI writes real code that real humans review, ship, and maintain. Is some of it a bit... AI-flavored? Sure. But so is everyone else's codebase in 2025. At least we're honest about it. Also "AI Slop Custom Software" tested extremely well in focus groups (sample size: 3, in a Slack DM).
What if my team refuses to switch? +
Classic. We call this the "but I like Notion" problem. Our change management module handles this by simply canceling the subscription and letting urgency do the work. Humans adapt surprisingly fast when their tools disappear. We have a 94% adoption rate within 30 days. The 6% are still complaining in Slack. Which we also replaced.
How do you handle data migration? +
Very carefully. We export, transform, and import your data using pipelines that have been tested extensively. We also recommend a moderate amount of prayer, a good backup strategy, and keeping your old subscriptions alive for 30 days post-migration. Just in case. The just-in-case has never been needed. There's always a first time. (There hasn't been a first time.)
Is the software actually any good? +
Define "good." It does what you need. It doesn't have a 40-page changelog of features your team will never discover. It loads fast because it's not carrying 12 years of enterprise technical debt. We think this is better than good. We think this is liberating. Your developers, once freed from "can we integrate this with HubSpot," will agree.
What happens if saasr.ai goes under? +
You get the source code. Full escrow. Unlike your current SaaS vendors, who will give you a CSV export and a 30-day grace period while you cry. We believe in responsible sunsets. Also, we won't go under. We have a very healthy pipeline. (Hi investors! Call us.)
🤖 Ready for Redemption?

Join the Queue.
We'll Be in Touch.

We are admittedly a small team with ambitious plans. We're accepting organizations in order of desperation. Fill out the form. We will evaluate your SaaS suffering and reach out when it's your turn to be saved.

🤖 The Intake Form of Salvation

Be honest. We've seen worse. Probably. We definitely have not seen worse than the company with 14 project management tools, but you might come close.

By submitting, you confirm that you are ready to face the truth about your software spend. No spam. We will only email you when it's your turn. We will not sell your data to the SaaS vendors you're trying to escape. That would be diabolical.

🤖

You're in the Queue.

The robots have received your intake form and are currently auditing the emotional damage. You'll hear from us soon. In the meantime, please resist the urge to sign up for any new SaaS tools.


— The saasr.ai Team